Whiskey Girl

Depressed_girl_by_L_Za

Whiskey coming at ya throat
Girl how long can your heart float
You been drowning in this pain
Outside there’s sun but inside it rains.
You smile like a knife, shining clean
But the razors edge cutting away at the seam.
And the more you grit,
The more you bit.
Your smile getting wider,
Throats getting tighter,
Tougher to swallow this world
Chase it down with that whiskey girl.

Whiskey girl
You my Whiskey girl
Oh Whiskey girl
Let me numb your world.
Help you swallow this pill
Promise I won’t make you ill
You my Whiskey girl
Let me numb this world.

Fist coming at ya gut like a heimlich
Regurgitation perfect timing
Charcoal stripping at ya stomach lining
Somebody thinks you worth saving.
Mama praying
To a God that she don’t know.
Doctors saying
Mama we are not for sure

This girl might not make it.

The priest says her soul is forsaken.
Mama shaking
Her baby girl’s been taken.

Whiskey girl
You my Whiskey girl
Oh Whiskey girl
Let me numb your world.
Help you swallow this pill
Promise I won’t make you ill
You my Whiskey girl
Let me numb this world.

bad-girl-black-and-white-depression-girl-Favim.com-925065

 

Images@ (in order):
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6 thoughts on “Whiskey Girl

  1. Good blend of lyric and performance, like beat or slam poetry. Some observations, which you are entirely free to disregard.
    1. Look at your phrasing, it’s heartfelt and it’s earnest nature is part of the charm, but look at how you can balance ear and eye in the work. You have a good grasp of space and it reads like a lyric sheet to a song that you hear once and haunts you forever.
    2. The chorus element makes it a song, when I wonder what it would look like with those parts removed. Never be afraid to cut, less is more in poetry and you have a guttural sweetness to your work that’s quite beguiling.
    You tell a story here in a short space and it works really well. Damage can be charismatic and attractive, can’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you brother. I am always opened to critique and appreciate you taking the time to write it out. Truth be told I was caught in a space of song and poetry writing it. I think the rap music in the background also affect the flow of the piece not sure if that was good or bad. You would say cut out the last piece that looks like a chorus?

      Like

      1. Just try it. I love rap music. At the moment, I’m listening to Kendrick Lamar and Childish Gambino who are fantastic, and one of the new Kanye tracks ‘No More Parties in LA.’ is amazing.

        Like

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