Now to you!
One of the most shameful things in life is this: that some people are already dead and they don’t even know it.
Some are here in this blogosphere, sucking off the bones of regret. Spilling energy over a past for far too long, and over a person that obviously did not belong with them. But they go on picking at scars and memory, for years.
Ask them a question: Where do you want to be and with whom when death comes pounding down your door?
They can’t give you an answer because they are a corpse and not living life. They have no memory of peace, of serenity, of love. They have ghosts, phantoms. They are the walking dead haunting a lonely road, living in self-imposed misery, roofed by heartache. If they give you an answer, they want to be with an apparition, a memory, in a past that no longer exist at all.
A sage will tell you that the longest marriage you will ever have in your life is with misery. And that marriage is sustained because YOU allow it.
Break away from the prison you are in and go living. Death is after all just a breath away.
That man left because he did what he thought was best for him. That woman left because she did what she thought was best for her. They did what they thought made them happy. Why don’t you do what makes you happy? Why don’t you stop living in self-pity? The only thing that will find you in pity is more misery. Are they in misery? Absolutely not! Not as far as you go. They took the memories and they have moved on. You to them are just a memory, just the past. They call you to fuck you; and leave again because they have absolutely not one bit of respect for you. But you are blind to it because you are living in a memory and have lost respect for yourself–because you have no self.
People can be empathetic, to a point. Ultimately it is up to you to get out of your broken-heartedness. There is truth when it’s said, only you can make you happy. They are not just words that sounds good or should be received in a haphazard manner. They are words meant to speak to and awaken your consciousness because at the moment you lack any sense of awareness.
You are still there, however, because of fear. Fear of what is beyond your misery. Your misery in the stupidest of sense makes you happy. It makes you blameless. “It’s that bitch that has me like this.” “It’s that fucking douchebag man that has me like this.” I know. You have written years of poetry and prose about them having you in this state of deprivation. Truth: you have yourself like that. And if it were not truth, why in this lifetime would you ever allow a person to have you in such a state of angst, of torment, of suffering?
Psychologically speaking, I could give that your love leaving you and breaking your heart can be traumatic. It is. I could give that you are suffering from some mild form of PTSD (if there is such a thing as mild PTSD). I could give you that much. But your life was not threatened or was not in danger (if it was that is obviously a whole other argument).
It is only now that your life is threatened. It is only now that you are in danger–In danger of living as a ghost, in danger of losing the light. Only you and you alone can give your heart what it needs. Wake up out of the nightmare you are in. A nightmare walled by only your memories. Leave them, face fear, face the unknown (that is life), and step.
Your prison is your own doing. So it can be your undoing, of course. Go live. Your self-impose misery has spiral to whining and has turned to annoying.
Yeah I know it is your blog. Your space to bleed and cry, and I don’t have to read it or follow it. I won’t. I’ve had enough. There is no sense or sign of growth with you. I do wish you the best, however. I wish you life-one worth living. Furthermore, I beg that you do not go into another relationship broken and unfixed—the way you are. That is suicide.
I suppose I will lose some followers from this post because of a narcissistic asshole tag that will be placed. It is all good. I am here to grow not mark time with prisoners.